Separation and divorce are always traumatic for all family members but for children with autism, the effects can be particularly difficult so what can parents do to manage the impact of divorce on autistic children?

This is a topic that families with autistic children are having to consider because, although it’s unfortunate, the reality is a larger proportion of parents of children with autism will separate having most likely experienced prior marital difficulties.  As such, they should be aware of the different ways separation and divorce will impact their child and the ways they can soften the effects. 

How does divorce affect autistic children?

More than 1 in 100 people are on the autism spectrum and, according to Autism UK there are currently around 700,000 autistic adults and children living in the UK. 

Because of the nature of autism, divorce or separation often has a greater impact on children with autism as it will affect the predictable and fixed routines they rely upon.  Admittedly, the extent of the disruption will depend on the age of the children, their personalities and the severity of their symptoms but parents will still need to make significant efforts to combat the potential effects.   

If they are going to be able to take the required action, parents must be aware of the possible effects, these include:

• Changes to routine
• Serious emotional upheaval
• An increased risk of depression and anxiety
• The potential of an immediate/temporary lack of consistency causing aggression, regression, or reduced improvement in behaviour
• Delayed or intense reactions

How can parents help their autistic child cope during separation?

Although every child is very different, as their parent you know them best so think about how your separation is most likely going to change their everyday life.  Then think about what surrounding factors are likely to upset them the most from an emotional standpoint.  Here are some of the things you may wish to discuss:

1. How to keep their routine as normal as you can, most specifically how to make sure your child can continue to live in the family home with one parent as their home is a primary anchor for your child.

• The level of conflict you are exposing them to and, by extension, what you and your partner can do to improve the way you communicate in your child’s presence.

• Creating a clear, structured ‘roadmap so your children can see the next steps.

• Make sure you and your partner are always on hand to answer any questions or concerns arising from this roadmap.

• How to reinforce that while you won’t be together, you will both remain your child’s parents, and you will always be a family.

• Create a formal structure explaining how much time your child will spend with each parent and how this breaks down.  If possible, you should do this visually so your child can instantly see where they will be and when.

• How could you make sure their bedroom is as similar and familiar as possible in each parents’ home.

• Whether you can give your child a quiet, comfortable place (perhaps a tent or special chair) they can retreat into to do the things that make them feel calm like listening to music, reading or playing on the iPad or with fidget toys.

But most of all, talk to your child about the separation in the way you know they will best understand.

If you or a client are facing a separation or divorce involving an autistic child and would like to discuss the case in total confidence with one of our experienced family barristers, please contact us today.